Hope you're sitting down. This is a long one. Might as well get comfy.

I have a Balinese vacation hangover. Coming from a place of literal culture shock, this tiny spot in Indonesia brought me back to life, slowly and surely. Where to begin?

The people: my fellow “ELFs” are amazing. Not sure how I ended up being chosen as one of them, but I find myself marveling at the company. As far as I know, I’m the only one of us who has never taught abroad before, and the only one who does not speak another language, fluently. The ages range from 26 to 35, and the experiences are boundless. Some of us have taught in Muslim countries far more restrictive and violent (places where public execution by beheading is still practiced) than anything I could live with or near, some of us have taught the blind in Europe, some of us scuba dive, others are Linguistic masters, all are adept travelers, beyond competent at navigating new and unfamiliar situations, and each of the Fellows are totally hilarious in their own ways (and I must say we’re not bad on the eyes). It took time to peel back the layers within people who were strangers only a month ago, but by the end of our 8 days together, I felt like I’d found my family away from home. Thus, we made up “call names” for each other (in case we come across CB radios) based on personality traits, and these I list below for posterity sake (in no particular order).

-”Big Daddy Sheik” is a man of grand stature and goofy smile. I’ll admit, I massively misjudged the fella upon first encounter. A dry humor so subtle it fooled us all, this lovely man has a gushy heart of gold beneath the seemingly simple and unaffected exterior. Who knew a burly, dark haired Ken doll could recite the names of all respectable “chick flicks” in the last 20 years? All I can say is wow. You da man Big D. I’d be stuck on a desert island with you any day.

-”Blackjack” is the opposite of Big Daddy in age and size. This sassy sweet woman can talk to anyone, and frequently was beloved by our cab drivers and street vendors because of her limitless openness to strangers. At one point the man driving us to the ATM broke into song in the front seat along with a Brian Adams oldie and Blacky and I shouted back karaoke style as we bounced around the curvy roads together. Who does that? People who ride with Blacky, that’s who. Oh, and the type on her computer is in Portuguese. Cause she’s fluent (who isn’t?).

-”Supafly” was my roommate the whole time and not only did I NOT want to kill her by the end, but I actually liked her MORE. This lady is pure, simply put. The spirit beneath the corn-flake blue eyes is both innocent and wise, and her energy is unassuming and ultra giving. I probably talked her ear off way too much during our mosquito net chats, but she never complained. I also give her props for being so adventurous and daring as to climb a volcano with a heights scaredy cat like myself. And she’s fluent in German and French (and has been to Iceland--SO jealous!!).

-”Cooky” got her name because she is a self professed “foody”. She’s also a walking Encyclopedia Britanica, a Linguistical wizard, and an idiomatic talking fool. Nothing gets past this lady. Organized and whip smart, she could kick my rear end at Trivial Pursuit any day. She’s also ADORABLE. Love the pig tails. They remind me of a Winnie the Pooh character that shall remain nameless.

-”Princess” got her name because of her posh digs in Jogja. She has two servant boys and lives in a palace. However, this woman ran up that volcano like she was running to the post office. A PhD student at UMass Amherst (Blaky is also a UMass alum) she’s wicked smart and could take us all in an arm wrestling competition or a triathlon. Her man back home is a lucky boy.

-”Merlin” takes no b.s. from anyone. This gal knows what she likes and sticks to it. I respected her standards of living (ie: nice hotel room with WiFi over mosquito netted bed in the woods) and her unwillingness to compromise. She and I never got to go on our horseback ride, sadly, but I’m hoping we do someday. A sly cowgirl and a great listener, I found I wanted to hang out with her the more we spoke about life issues and lady stuff.

-”Mother Goose” took care of all the travel arrangements and paid everyone before we got there so that her little ducklings could have a seamless adventure. Trained in elementary education, “Mo” was the master organizer and chief party planner. I don’t know how she lives in Jakarta full time, but after having lived in Oman and China, she can take any city you throw at her, blindfolded and hog tied. Impressive woman with the quickest wit since Richard Prior. And best head of blond hair I’ve seen in a long time.

-”El Capitan”...so much to say, so little room. One of my favorite memories of the trip is when I woke up one morning to find 11 text messages on my phone, all sent from him within the span of 45 minutes the night before. Only one of them was in English (the others were in German, Spanish, and Bahasa...and some Gibberish and Pig Latin thrown in for good measure). Another favorite memory is his Lacan impression of the Theory of French Fries. It isn’t a party without Cappy. A dancer to rival the late M.J., this man needs little sleep and attracts an entourage wherever he goes. I heart you.

-”Wonder Woman” is what they call me. Cappy mentioned it was because I apparently look like Linda Carter. I’d like to think it’s because I run into the ocean with my invisible bathing suit on at the blink of an eye (I was wearing clothes Mom...inside joke) or because I can repel bullets with my fancy arm bands. Either way, I’ll take it.

The places: There was a lot of driving from one end of the island to the next. That meant a lot of bathroom breaks. There are no “rest stops” in Bali. When one of us had to use the facilities, we simply pulled over (gas stations don’t seem to have bathrooms or candy here, just gas) in front of someone’s house. The driver then asked the old woman sitting outside on her stoop if we could come inside. Now, I can be messy, but I always make sure my house is respectable. These houses were...not what I expected. The bathrooms were all squatters (no flushing toilets) and I had to bring my own paper and hand sanitizer (which, to be fair, I bring everywhere). Upon closer inspection I would find a toothbrush stuck into a crevice between the stones in the walls, or underneath a crack in the roof. But hey, they were free, and one doesn’t have time to clean for unexpected visitors. “Cooky” developed a rating scale for the bathrooms, and we had a good time whispering “that one’s a negative 2” to each other in passing. “Big Daddy” had a great scale for bathroom use urgency, a “10” being you were actually to the point of peeing in a cup while driving. To amuse ourselves, there was one point during a drive when we spoke only in idioms, and the texting between cars (you have to take 2 with 10 people...the extra one being Rich, “Momma Goose’s” sweet as pie boyfriend) was constant and incited much spontaneous giggling.

Oh, and when you order a carbonated beverage at a road side stand and mention you are taking it ‘to go’, they pour the contents of said beverage into a plastic baggie for you, and provide a straw. In case you’ve never tried it, soda is hard to drink out of a plastic bag (and they don’t refrigerate the cokes at such places, so it’s luke warm at best). They do this so they can keep the bottle and get the return on the glass. Just in case us Bules want the 5 rupiah, to bad for us.

Villa Toke was our first accommodation in Ubud. We had this place all to ourselves, and the showers had hot water (HURRAY!!!) and rose colored soap. Evening dance parties on the patio and breakfast at the long wooden table, we played in the pool and watched videos over burgers (The Hangover made me almost pull a “10” in my pants). An artsy town made famous by the book Eat, Pray Love, it was indeed my favorite place. For those of you on facebook, this is where I ate the green coconut cake and took the photos of monkeys. This is also were I bought a lovely red silk scarf, delicate flowered pink fan, and soy milk for my morning coffee. The stars in the sky were plentiful, and we were there during a Balinese ceremony that decorated the streets in flowing cloths and colorful offerings. The cab drivers were super talkative and if you want to shop for anything while in Bali, Ubud is the place to go. Ex-pats were everywhere. And I could finally wear a tank top without feeling like a flaming hussy.

And then there was Tristan, the 10 year old French boy (who spoke English, obviously) that lived next to our Villa. Walking back from the beach one day, we ran into him near the front gate. Around his right hand was a python. A baby python (I’m pretty sure it was his pet). Fearlessly, he was winding it around his wrist, watching it move slowly over his skin. Because “Supafly” speaks French, she initiated conversation, and we soon found out he was born in France, but spent many years in Morocco before coming to Bali. So he spoke Balinese, Bahasa, French and English. It must be mentioned that this little man was stunning...in another ten years he’ll stop traffic, and have tons of stories to tell at the bars, languages to speak, and hopefully a happy life ahead of him full of opportunities. He was also quite sweet, talking with the adults with very little hesitancy. We were all enamored, and I walked away hoping that my children (or child) has the same amazing life available to him or her. One thing is for certain, all children should learn languages while their brains are still spongy and open. Being able to communicate with others is a key to survival. We all deserve that much.

Our second accommodation was called the Manjangan Resort, and it lay in a nature reservation dotted with rust colored deer (“manjangan” means deer) and more monkeys (careful, they hiss when approached). This place was rustic, and right on the ocean. We broke into pairs and slept in grass covered huts with sliding doors that did not lock and hardly shut (it was, however, quite safe, save for the rat that ate poor “Princess’s” beaded purse). We ate in a restaurant made of local wood and palm leaves that had five stories, and the view from the top was straight out of a postcard. We were escorted around in a double decker bus (the resort was on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, so you could not get around much on your own unless you were willing to walk for miles on end with nothing much in sight) that was essentially seats on platforms with four wheels, and it was here that we went snorkeling (while the brave scuba dived). I saw fish in these clear waters decorated in fluorescent blues, glowing yellows, and every other color in the rainbow. The coral was perfect, and the temperature was soothingly warm. The boat that took us to our diving point was more like a skipper and on the way back we were splashed by the waves to the point of utter drenchville. Two of us actually vomited from sea sickness (the innocent shall remain unnamed). Coming from someone who thinks she could live on a boat (like Cooky did in the Caribbean), this was a bit much. The wind was freezing due to how fast we were going, and by the time we got to shore, we all felt like dryness was a distant ideal never to be reached again. Note to anyone thinking of traveling near the equator: the only people who did not get scorched by the sun after layers of sunscreen were wearing dive suites. Cover. Up. My back is peeling into my bed sheets and water blisters keep popping under my clothes. Not attractive.

Before leaving this part of the island, five of us took a ferry back to the East coast of Java and climbed the Ijen Kawah (a HUGE volcano/crater). The ride from the resort to the ferry was about 30 minutes, once on the ferry, one hour to Java, then 90 minutes to the middle of the volcano, at which point we spent another 90 minutes hiking. We left at 5am, and got to the top of the volcano some time around 10. Black monkeys swung from trees and colorful birds chattered all around me. Because volcanic lava produces the richest soil on earth, the trees and greenery going up the volcano were the most beautiful I have ever seen with hanging “leaves” that looked like a cross between spanish moss, weeping willows, and silky spider webs. We also passed a coffee “farm” on the way up, and little did I know that coffee beans are actually bright red before they are roasted to the deep brown we see in the bags at the shops. And no, you cannot smell coffee while it’s hanging from the branches. Much to my dismay.

We got to the top (props to all who suffered the thinning oxygen and perilous rocks) and I thought was going to collapse. The view was incredible, something out of a fairy-tale cartoon with slopping hills and mist everywhere, but I couldn’t see all the way down to the road we came in on because we were literally above the clouds. The reason my legs almost gave out was the view INTO the volcano itself. That sucker was deep. And the interior walls looked like they were covered in vanilla icing cracking over a black forest chocolate cake. Sulfur is yellow (didn’t know that either) and near the “inside” of Ijen little sulfuric chunks lay scattered about. Those chunks are actually frequently removed, and locals carve them into mini sculptures and sell them as souvenirs. “Big D” bought a few for ‘ole ole’ (gifts to bring to people after a trip away) and we made fun of him for being a softy on the way back.

This volcano has a lake in the middle as well. When the smoke was blowing in the right direction (parts of the volcano were hissing hot grey smoke that smelled like rotten eggs straight up into the ether) we could see the most science-fiction looking blue I will probably ever see outside of a Star Trek episode. I can imagine that is the hottest water found in Indonesia. Wish I could ship some of that back to Malang to pour into my shower water. Ah well. Cold showers make you stronger.

I sat myself down on the rim of this massive organically made crater and felt not only proud of myself for making it all the way up, but also so utterly at Mother Nature’s mercy in a way I cannot really explain. With my sunburned skin and the feeling of the solid yet potentially fatal rock beneath me, I understood fully how superior Mother Earth really is. I sat there in awe, and a deep and infinite peace washed over me. Now, I believe that there is something far greater than us humans in existence...but “God” has never really been my thing because the Western Christian “God” is based on a story book about someone (granted, Jesus was a righteous dude) who lived thousands of years ago. I’m sorry if I’ve offended some of you by typing this, but, sitting there, I felt humbled by the smallness of us humans and in utter worship over the planet we live on. I just hope my children and their children to follow can revile in the same striking beauty that I did that afternoon...hint to those who don’t recycle...start now. Cause Momma Nature is in charge, and she has one hot temper.

The descent from the top was just as hard as the hike up because of the slippery steep angle, but this time we were stalled at least four times by the locals taking pictures of the Bules in the “wild”. That was actually sweet. Families would see us from a distance and motion to their cameras while saying “Picture! Picture!” I even had one guy stop dead in his tracks, put out his hand to shake mine, and say, “Hello! Where are you from? My name is.....You are so beautiful!” Once back in the car we shook and bounced to the bottom, our behinds actually lifting off the seats between dips in the road. Much like the skipper ride back to shore after snorkeling, this was super fun at first, but after a while I found my backside quite sore and glad I’ve never been one to succumb to carsickness.

Our last place of rest was called the Padang Beach Resort in Padang Bai. This area had as many Bules as Ubud, but instead of Australians, it was littered with Frenchies (hence Cappy’s impression of Lacan) and Germans. A few doors down from the resort was the Topi Inn, which had internet (when it felt working), workshops, tours, and darn good food. Thus, we spent most of our time there. “Merlin” and I took a motorcycle tour of two of the nearby temples (there were many more that had to be skipped over due to time) and through isolated and quiet rice fields, which was totally amazing. The intricate details of those places of prayer, filled with historically mythic paintings floored me. However, I got to a point where I felt over stimulated and the stone carvings started to look the same. That’s when I knew I needed some down time, so I broke out the Uno cards with Cappy and Big D for a few hours of mindless smack talk. The local vendors in this area were really chill, and I bought a necklace that is now my new favorite from a woman who made me swear I would never forget her.

There was one moment in my final days in Bali that I hope to take to my grave. I was sitting alone at a table in the Topi, waiting for “Merlin” to show up for our temple tour, and an adorable little boy maybe two years old walked over to me. He was dressed in bright clothing, and wearing a little black hat with tufts of jet black hair escaping from under the edges. Smiling, he grabbed my right hand with his, and held it, looking straight into my eyes. I smiled back, instantly in love. He then turned my hand over in his so that the back of it was facing up, and then brought it to his lips and gave me the sweetest little kiss (all the while not taking his eyes away from mine). He let out a little giggle as I said “thank you”, and ran back to his Daddy’s lap (who was sitting a few feet away from me) with a shy blush to his cheeks. He looked back at me with a smile only a child can muster and it was all I could do to not follow him and scoop him into my arms. For all the complaining I do about getting starred at and having people stop me to photograph my white skin, it is this joyous, open curiosity that gets me about Indonesians. They are so kind.

...

I am one lucky woman.

"M" is for Magic

Yesterday: “...me, and a gun, and a man on my back...but I haven’t seen Barbados, so I must get out of this...”

An old and dusty Tori Amos song circa Little Earthquakes wafted into my new bedroom as I swept behind a bed that had not been moved since the time of Christ. This song of hers is one of her more raw, brutal tunes (and one of my favorites because of its honesty). Simultaneously, as I scooped the dirt of years past into a dustpan, I could hear the call to evening prayer all around me, outside my windows, permeating the air waves. An Arabic male reminding disciples of Allah what time it was. Tori singing acapella on my computer.

As usual, I had gotten distracted. In the middle of my living room sat an open box filled with gifts from previous female American ELFs in Malang. A DVD player, an iron, novels, maps, hair gel, Bahasa lesson books, English lesson books, a blender, kitchen rags, batik shirts, pot holders, a rolling pin: all gifts from women who came before me to a woman they would probably never meet. Tori and the Qur’an still battling it out around the pile at my feet.

It’s been a full few days while I settle into my apartment. Four cockroaches, countless mosquitoes, and endless scrubbing. Outside my nesting routine lays a much more chaotic and unpredictable scene. Venturing to the mall alone for food still renders staring. The other day a group of teenage boys “accidentally” brushed up against me on the escalator, got in front of me, then turned behind their shoulders to look at me, smiling mischievously, waiting for my reaction. Thankful for my many acting classes, I resisted the urge to move a single muscle in my face as I met their gaze. Stupid Bule (Bule= “native”, “foreigner”, think “gringa”) I am not. Crazy, maybe.

I control my anger in situations like these because for the first time in my life, I am the “other”. I’ve been a privileged white girl for 31 years. I’m here for a reason. Besides, anger is so banal. I know they’re curious. These boys, in my opinion, were quite rude, but the ones that look and don’t touch just want see the real thing. The American in 3D. Alone, I am an anomaly. A pale female freak out and about. This is the first time in my life I’ve ever had to think about why people might not be able to stop themselves from starring at another human being. I never knew I had it so easy.

Without internet at home or a television worth watching (Indonesian t.v. makes zero sense to me) I’ve been devouring Obama’s book, Dreams From My Father. The man can write. Well. Both having lived (living) in Indonesia and Chicago, I foolishly feel we have something in common, regardless of how marginal. But the more I read, the more I realize why he’s so much more than our current President. And the more I’m proud of my country for electing him.

Driving along the roads of Malang, women stand in the dirt, off to the side. Their hands outstretched, hair unbrushed, faces unwashed, bellies empty. Human trafficking happening. Women and children for sale. I hold my breath in utter disbelief and horror as the cars and motorbikes start to move away from them. Why don’t I see that in Chicago, even though it happens there too? How (and when) did we learn to hide it so well? More importantly, where is the police to take these women to a safe house?

Earlier today I was eating breakfast in Duncan Donuts with Wayan when a white man in his mid 40s walks past our table. They extend a familiar greeting. I perk up in my seat at the sight of another ex-pat. I’m not the only one! Hurray! “M” is from Texas and has been living in Indonesia for 10 years. He’s the father of four young children and teaches English in the area (he used to teach at my University, hence his greeting with my co-worker and friend Wayan). His Bahasa is perfect. We get to talking, and I feel myself relax as I speak to his daughter (maybe 9 years old) about their most recent visit back to the States when Mike asks if I’d like to join him and his family for a “meeting” on Sundays where other ex-pats will be gathered. I said, “Yes, I’d really like that”. He then continues, “Now, I don’t know if you’re a Believer, but we usually go to Wendy’s afterwards for dinner, and....” Suddenly he goes mute. The word “Believer” hangs in the air between us as his mouth continues to move, forming words with blurry, distant sound. All I can do is study his shiny gold wedding ring, look at his perfectly groomed head of ash blond hair, notice his nicely pressed clothes and think, “No, not here”. The coffee colored girls at the side of the road flash before my eyes once again with nowhere to go. Not here.

It’s explained to me later that “M” no longer works at my University because he converted a number of former Muslims (students) into Christians. A Missionary in Teacher’s clothing. Perhaps I’m being too sensitive, but those who are hired to teach English abroad have one job: teaching ENGLISH. That’s all. Religion is personal. What happens between you and your God is no one else’s business. Change someone’s religion, and you change their way of living. Literature class is not an invitation to pass out fliers that invite students to “free conversation classes with native speakers” only to have the topic of conversation be about Jesus and why he should be your personal savior. The white man with the invisible cross “teaching” his students a new way to pray. I thought I was here to educate college kids on contemporary drama, not to evangelize. I thought they hired me to plan lessons, not to persuade. He leaves our table with a smile and a wave. I sit in silence. Yes...even here.

Every day I notice walls I never knew I had inside of me being pushed. Bending a little in slightly uncomfortable directions. I’m going to this “meeting” because I have to observe before I condemn. And because I’m curious as to how I will be approached and how I will chose to respond.

Not to worry; this liberal feminist knows where she stands and to whom she prays. She’ll listen, meet new people, and then return home to familiar lyrics playing in her clean corner while mutable, unfamiliar chaos buzzes past her door.

I recently underlined an excerpt from Obama’s book that eloquently captures the root of (some of) what I’ve been experiencing while mopping my tiled floors and meeting other “natives” over iced Americano:

“For there were many churches, many faiths. There were times, perhaps, when those faiths seemed to converge-- the crowd in front of the Lincoln Memorial, the Freedom Riders at the lunch counter. But such moments were partial, fragmentary. With our eyes closed, we uttered the same words, but in our hearts we each prayed to our own masters; we each remained locked in our own memories; we all clung to our own foolish magic” (163).

I think I'm gonna like it here

The title of this post comes from the film "Annie". The one with Carol Burnett, Tim Curry, Albert Finney and Bernadette Peters filmed in 1982 that I used to watch religiously as a little girl. (I played Grace Farrell in the stage version in High School...I like to forget about that chapter in my life as I cannot sing, and still feel empathy for my poor cringing audience) The song "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here" is the one little orphan Annie sings when she arrives at Daddy Warbuck's mansion and dances all around the shiny floors with the maids and her new "Mom" (Ms. Farrell). I've caught myself singing that song in my head a few times. Today I wanted to shout it from the top of the Crystler Building.

I finally got in front of a classroom this morning. Thank Sarasvati (the Hindu Goddess of knowledge and peace of mind). You see, I don't do well without structure and a schedule (that's the Tarot Emperor in me). Left to my own devices, my head gets me into a lot of trouble. I can forget why I do things. I can forget who I am. (I know--David Lynch would tell me I need to find the inner universe of infinite happiness within me...working on it) This morning I had a "SLA" class (two in a row, actually) which stands for Second Language Acquisition. Initially I was not thrilled. Theory? Ick, groan, no thanks. However, nothing is as it seems here. The students were amazing. Excited, curious, polite, kind, eager, knowledgeable, sweet, and brave.

I noticed two cultural differences right away. 1) They are hesitant to speak up. 2) They only speak up when the group allows it. They consult their friends first, then ask the question. The collective mentality is big here. Individualism is an American concept. Being quiet, listening well, and thinking deeply are stereotypically Asian characteristics. I find it refreshing in a lot of ways. No one interrupts each other. No one talks over anyone else. No one thinks they are the smartest person in the room.

To transition them, I introduced myself at the beginning of all 3 classes, and spoke a little about why I'm here and who I am. The conversations that followed went something like this:

Me: So, now that you know a little about me, I'm sure you have some questions. Don't worry, there are no stupid questions. You can ask me anything.

Silence/wide eyes

Me: Ok. What do you know about America?

Students: The American Dream (whoah! huge side conversation about what that means, how everyone is *not* rich in America: education, health care, etc...too much to type). Hollywood!

Me: Ok, great. Who is your favorite American actor?

Students: Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Adam Sandler, Jim Carey (in that order)

Me: Has anyone been to Chicago? (nope, heads shake) What do you know about Chicago?

Student #1: Chicago Bulls! (giggles) It is a movie. It won the Oscar. (giggles)

Me: Ok, great. What did you learn from the movie?

Student #2: Well, we want to know, do people sing and dance a lot in Chicago like in the movie?

Me: Yes, actually. Chicago is a very artistic city with a lot going on. There is every kind of art in Chicago and people from all over the world. It is diverse, big, and beautiful. (I'm a little partial) Other questions?

Student #2: How much does it cost to go to the theater in Chicago?

Me: Depends on the theater and on the show. Theater tickets can range anywhere from $10-$60.

(Collective gasp)

Student #3: Do you know where Oprah works? Have you seen Harpo Studios? (giggles)

Me: Yes, I have. But Harpo is sort of hidden. I lived in Chicago for about 7 years before I saw her studio. What other famous American (whose name starts with an "O") is from Chicago?

Students: OBAMA! (smiles)

Me: And he's from Indonesia as well, right? (nods) So he can speak Bahasa Indonesia and Chicagoan. (I smile because I crack myself, and usually only myself, up in the classroom)

Student #4: We have studied American culture and we know a lot about America. We hear that there was a lot of racism there. Is that still true?

Me: (pause) That is a very hard question to answer...(long explanation ensued that included elements on culture, history, stereotypes, hope for the future, etc)

Student #5: What languages do you speak?

Me: (blush covers face, deep breath) Just English (collective gasp). That is why I'm here now. As a teacher of students who speak multiple languages, I feel ashamed that I only speak one. So, I'm learning Bahasa Indonesia while you are learning English. I hope we can help each other (collective nods and smiles).

Student #6: Why are you a teacher?

Me: I'm a teacher because I love to learn. There is an African proverb that says (write on the board) "She who learns, teaches". I believe that we all have things to teach each other, and I am happiest when I'm learning from others. I also love people. I love working with them and helping them (mental flashback to Planned Parenthood). So teaching makes me happy because I feel that I am always learning and I hope I'm helping as well (voices echo that yes, I'm helping them because I am there).

Student #7: Where else have you lived besides Indonesia?

Me: I've lived in about 5 states in the US and in two areas of England. This is my first time in Asia. (eyes grow wide)

Student #8: What do you think of Malang?

Me: I think it's beautiful. The trees, birds, flowers are all new to me. I've only been here 5 days so I'm still experiencing a bit of culture shock (giggles and nodding) but I like it. Honestly, I found Jakarta hot and crowded (nodding) and I'm happy to be in a smaller city.

Student #9: What did you know about Indonesia before you came here?

Me: Very little! (gasps)

Student #9: You knew about Bali, right? (giggles)

Me: Yes, I did, but like most Americans, I didn't know where it was. Someone asked me if Indonesia was in India! (Loud gasps and sounds of disapproval) Someone else asked me if people spoke Spanish here (loud laughing and sounds of shock). I know, it's common. Americans know very little about your country. I hope to help change that. (smiles) I knew about the tsunami in 2005. I knew that it was located on the equator. And I've read a few books (Eat, Pray, Love and Tales of a Female Nomad) by Americans who have traveled here, so I knew a little more based on what they wrote.

Student #10: Did someone pay your way here, or did you pay by yourself to come here? (explanation of ELF program followed--as a final side note: "small talk" does not exist here, hence the personal questions. In a country where the weather is always more or less the same, you can't 'talk about the weather' so they move right on to the real issues...which I actually don't mind).

And that is why I think I'm gonna like it here.

Gotta motor if I want to make it to the electronics store.

The Circus is in town

And you guessed it, I am the circus. Now, being an actor, I'm used to having eyes on me. This, however, is entirely different. This, is me being watched all the time. Cameras click behind my back, children gather all around me, looking at what I'm typing, whispering openly in each other's ears as strange sounds come out of my mouth. Today I was brave and ventured out onto campus where the only "hotspot" is outdoors, next to the local caged rooster. What people don't realize is computer screens reflect much like mirrors. And what they don't know is that I can see their group, poised behind me, right now, taking pictures of my back. When I turn around to smile at them, they are shocked that I caught them in the act. They giggle, and return to watching me. No stage, no curtain, but still, the circus has arrived.

Bathrooms. Oh the glory. At my University, in my department, there is no flushing toilet. Although my campus is stunning, the facilities are way outdated. To use the lav, one must bring their own toilet paper, or take a "wet" bathroom break. There is nothing dry about the experience of using the bathroom, even if you have your own paper. You're going to come out of the experience with something splattered on you. Picture a small tiled room like the inside of a shower. Except there, in the corner, is a "potty", and you are supposed to remove your pants (put them where? no hooks, so be creative) and squat on either side of the pot. You do your business, and then get dressed again. The toilet paper goes on the shelf next to you. I still have not figured out who removes it, but every time I visit this little room, the tissue and what I left behind have been removed. The sink is outside the wet room. There is soap, but there is not always water. Sometimes the pipes just don't feel like producing anything, and sometimes they do. Thank God for hand sanitizer. I take it everywhere I go. Oh! For those who do not use toilet paper, there is a spigot on the wall of the wet room for you to "wash" (no soap) yourself after you are done (using your left hand). How you dry yourself is still a mystery to me. No towels. And the floor is always wet, so you have to wear bathroom sandals to use the bathroom as your regular shoes will not suffice. You'll end up slipping and soaked in god knows what.

I start teaching tomorrow, but before then I'm going to get a hot stone massage. They cost $15 here. My pedicure yesterday (I had to...my toes are on display every day and they were in dire need) cost $3. It was nothing like the pedicures back home. My feet were placed in a bucket that had little bumps on the bottom. They were washed, and then the woman grabbed my ankles and rubbed my feet back and forth over the little bumps. Afterwards she took about 45 minutes removing the dead skin, bit by bit, from the bottom of my feet until I swear I'd lost 5 pounds. My feet now look nothing like they usually do. They look brand new. Like baby feet. Smaller, and as smooth as a stone at the bottom of the ocean. Then the massage. This tiny woman was so strong I thought she actually was going to pop a blood vessel on my shins. At this point my friend Wayan was with me, and I told her to ask my pedicurist if she could cut my nails. Apparently she was not planning on doing so, but she did after it was requested. Then came the polish. They had 6 choices (total) for me to choose from. I chose clear. Once the polish was applied, my amazingly strong new friend blew on my toes. That's right. She BLEW on them to dry them. With her mouth. No fancy machines here to do that for you. Everything is manual. I'm glad she didn't pass out from the loss of oxygen. So, the hot stone massage should be interesting. I'll be sure to report back.

And that's it for me. It's 9am and everyone around me has been up for many hours. No such thing as sleeping in on the weekends around here. People were up and active by 6. Their buzzing motorbikes were proof. And the starring has begun again. Behind me. In front of me, all around me. The children are the worst. The adults at least try to control it. Some of them. The women seem more attune to how it all might effect me, while the men look at me as if I'm not wearing a shirt. You see, as I type this, my collar bone is showing. And I think a tiny bit of back tattoo might be as well (it's the weekend and I'm tired of looking like I work in the White House). Where's my Scarlet Letter? Quick! Somebody find me a big red "A".

In the mall, rockin' out to Arab tunes

Praise Allah, I finally found a wireless connection that doesn't take three years to load a home page. Sadly, it's a motorbike's ride away from my guest housing. Longing for the day when I don't have to depend on my super wonderful counterpart to take me around. Not used to not being self sufficient. As I type this, Iis is off looking around and reading magazines. Poor dear. Having to babysit me until I'm in my apartment, unpacked, and know where the heck I'm going.

She is so generous that it almost kills me. But don't be mistaken, she's a little firecracker. Dressed in traditional Arab attire, she's 100 lbs soaking wet and rides her motorbike like a Harley Davidson Queen on fire. I've seen so much of this city from the back of motorbikes these last few days. And I have to say, I LOVE traveling with the wind whipping my hair and the locals starring at the white lady dwarfing her drivers. Everyone here is tiny. But strong. Iis is a smart, capable, truly lovely person. I feel very lucky to be in her care (until I'm on my own two feet).

So, observations. Let's start with food: if you order "American" you get the simplest version possible. The other night I went to a restaurant and asked for a cheeseburger (I was not feeling adventurous at the time as my stomach was still suffering from what I call the "small knives"--cramps that feel like little amoebas are eating at your insides) and that's what I got. On the square plate they brought out sat a cheeseburger. Alone. Lonely, crying for a side dish. No french fries, salads, or cole slaw here. Just the burger.

Yesterday I was in my office, sitting at my desk, starving (people are fasting all around me, so the fact that the American needs to be fed can sometimes be overlooked), and my wonderful Hindu co-worker offered me crackers to snack on. Wonderful! I pictured round, supple Ritz crackers dancing in my head, loaded with peanut butter. Silly me. She was proud to present me banana/cheese crackers instead. The "cheese" was in the middle, the wafer was banana flavored. I declined and had an apple instead.

Last night I went out for "real" Indonesian food and was pleasantly surprised at what was probably the most delicious thing I have had here yet. Don't have any clue how to spell it, but it was essentially noodles with lightly shredded chicken, scallions, and onions, sitting on a bed of greens. Then a separate, smaller bowl was brought to me containing the broth and two dumplings. I poured that into my noodle concoction and heaven arrived in my mouth. Not too spicy, hardy, and chock full of flavor. To drink was coconut/orange juice with chunks of "young" coconut swimming in the glass. They give you a spoon to scoop that into your mouth. The best part, I left with nothing chewing at the inside of my stomach. And I was brought home on the back of a bike. So. Much. Fun.

So, they have McDonald's here. D-n-D is here. KFC is here. The catch: "McDs" delivers. 24 hours a day. For only $1 you can have them bring a big mac to your house. The novelty.

Although I'm on the island of Java, no one drinks regular coffee (kopi) here. They all drink instant. I finally asked Wayan (my Hindu/Balinese friend) why this was the case last night. She said that regular coffee keeps you awake (really?? no one told me!) and it's hard on people's hearts here. So they prefer the weaker instant brands. Ah ha! Finally cracking the culture codes. Sandra: remember how you said you'd send me Metropolis coffee? I'd give you my first born child for some real java....mailing address arriving soon in your inbox!

Eggs are served with hot sauce here. My breakfast at the guest house usually consists of a tiny omelet (two eggs max), some toast with butter (only white here...ick), and a little saucer with one half ketsup, and one half hot sauce. Not bad. My palette is getting used to strange fair...

In addition to the fast food chains listed above, Pizza Hut also exists on the other side of the world...but the Indo version. Which is kind of like the British, Australian version. I had to try it, so I ordered a stuffed crust personal pizza (the size of a regular American omelet) with tuna and sweet corn on top. It was delicious. To drink, an avocado smoothie. Michal, I finally understand the obsession. It was amazing!

No one tips here. Waiters, that is. You DO, however, tip the man sitting in all the parking lots for the honor of stowing your bike. Not to worry, the "tip" is the equivalent to 10 cents.

There is a "monkey park" in Malang. The word for monkey is "monyet", or "kera". They are the smallish kind, and I cannot wait to see them. We passed this monkey park on the way into town coming from the airport on Wednesday. I squealed and jumped up and down in the back seat when I realized what it was, and my counterpart smiled at me, which happens a lot. She must think I'm a trip. My big barrel laugh that you all know (and love) is culturally quite shocking. Women cover their mouths when they laugh over here, or close them altogether. I think it's a shame. But it's the norm.

Another cultural thing I'm noticing that would simply not fly in good old America is the covering up of men who make "mistakes". I'm around quite a few strong women here, and there is one man in particular (who shall remain nameless) who is a coworker of mine, that seems to have issues with the competence and adaptability of his female counterparts. The reason I'm staying in guest housing and not in a real house is his fault. He didn't do his job before I arrived, thus, my counterpart, the amazing Iis, found me something else within a day. And because he then looked stupid in front of her hard work and quick thinking, he retaliated with lies and purposeful miscommunication that sent her to the Dean's office and brought tears to her eyes. During Ramadan, one not only fasts. One cannot cry. One must obstain from quite a lot, apparently. And this...man...made her cry. Needless to say I hope karma kicks him where it counts. I'm not a fan of watching men mistreat women, no matter what form that takes, but here, instead of telling him off, Iis had to apologize to him, and stick up for him, make excuses for his behavior, etc. It was terrible to watch.

And finally, there are roosters in cages here, waking us all up in the morning (with the prayers and motorbikes of course). They are apparently quite rare and endangered, so the University has various places all around campus where roosters pace, back and forth, crowing and strutting, on display. The Recktor's "favorite" rooster is right outside my guest house. I have not introduced myself, as it's hard for me to observe any creature in a cage. It kills me. There is a Tennessee Williams quote about the wild left in cages (it's an Angelina Jolie tattoo...you can look it up) that comes to mind whenever I see anything behind bars. I asked Iis what would happen if they let him go free. She said someone would sell him, as he's worth quite a lot of money. Sigh.

That's it for today. Except for the purple elephant stirrer. I just got a coffee, which is really instant coffee mixed with milk and frankly tastes disgusting, delivered to my table. No lie, there is a purple plastic elephant head sticking out of it, used to stir up the milk with the instant. I think I'll keep the elephant and leave the drink. Bye for now.

Malang kota yang indah.

Translation: Malang is a beautiful city. And it is. Cool breezes in warm fluid air. Tropical birds singing new and joyous songs. Smiling faces, palm trees, apples, sunshine, and the ever present sound of motorbikes. So much to type, so little time before my first staff meeting.

To be quick for now: I'm staying in University Guest housing while my place is fixed up. The accommodation I arrived expecting to stay in was inhospitable (moldy walls, broken windows, mosquitoes excited to bite the foreigner). What would take ten minutes in the States to fix took two hours here to negotiate. My room at the guest house is not bad. The toilet flushes and I have a standing shower (plush digs!), but the place is currently under construction, so my quiet time is relegated to the wee hours of the night. And the wireless is down. Hence my lack of blogging while I am introduced to Malang. Sorry guys, doing the best I can here to get by one day at a time.

Within a week I hope to be in the Recktor's spare house. He's the big man in charge of my University, and his offer to let me stay in his "extra" house is very generous. It has more space than I could use, but it's furnished, with curtains for privacy and an enclosed outdoor garden that I will have all to myself. Guests are welcome! There is more than enough room, with beds for my friends and family. It's on University grounds, and close to the gym, post office, mall, and coffee shops. My co-worker, Wayan (from Bali) has already agreed to go to yoga classes with me. And once I get a motorbike of my own, I'll be one of the locals (sorry Mom, I have to get one, there is no other way to travel in these parts).

I've not started teaching yet. That's next week. I'll be "team teaching" all of my classes. I have mixed feelings about that, as it's new to me, but I'm trying to go with the flow and adjust my expectations. Resistance is not part of this culture. So when I came back to my guest room last night and found tiny ants crawling all over my toiletries, I didn't scream. I just quietly took my alcohol swabs and doused the suckers until they ran screaming. There is a saying here (I'll translate), "Wherever there is something sweet, there will be ants". And how.

September, Bali, and other random items

I surrender. I have to. It's the only way. Up at 5am, can't sleep. Why? Because last night I took a nap pre-dinner, just to recharge, and woke up after dinner (3 hours later), more groggy, and not wanting food anywhere near me. You see, my stomach and Indonesia are in a fight. Not sure whose going to win, but "Operation: get skinny" is looking pretty doable.

Yesterday was the last full day of orientation. Thank the good lord. We're all ready to get to our cities and actually teach. Ready to stop talking about what it is we'll be doing and just do it. I've met my "ETA" (English Teaching Assistant) who is an adorable Fulbright scholar named Courtney. She and I will be good supports to each other in the field. I've also met my "counterpart", Ibu Iis. She's my Indonesian teacher-friend there to help me set up my life and fit into our University, etc, etc. We'll be flying to Malang (pronounced "Ma-long", emphasis on the Ma) this afternoon and she'll take me to my apartment. I'm SO looking forward to unpacking my suitcases and having keys to my place. Love hotels. Just not for this long a stay.

I've learned so much in the past few days that it's going to take some speedy fingers to write it all down before I have to go to breakfast. Quick facts: Jakarta is the third most polluted city in the world. I concur. It's scary. Everyone here drinks bottled water, and they do not recycle. It's hard to watch. That said, Indonesia has amazing marine biodiversity overall, but a major deforestation issue and obviously pollution issues. So, the ETAs (I have three technically, but only one in my actual city) and I have decided to do some workshops and projects together around education and awareness of the environment, etc. at our schools once we get settled. The ETAs are recent college grads (BAs only) with tons of great ideas and enthusiasm. I'm to serve as a mentor and collaborator for them as they navigate through the high school systems. It's nice having them around, to be sure.

Another fact: Indonesia consists of about 17,000 known islands. Only 6,000 of them are known to be inhabited. So, I'm starting with Bali. In late September the ELFs have booked a week long trip to the little island and we're going to whoop it up! I'm so excited. It'll be very. Many of them want to climb volcanoes. I'll be happy to hold down the beach while they're risking their lives. Either way, I'm thrilled!

Fact #3: There is no legal drinking age here. Or smoking age. One of the ELFs literally saw what looked like a ten year old on the side of the road smoking only yesterday.

Fact #4: There is no such thing as a "non" smoking section here either. You see people lighting up everywhere. Sometimes I feel like I'm caught on an 80's movie set when that happens. Very strange.

Fact Five: Obama will be visiting Singapore November 14th and 15th. There is a rumor that he might visit Indonesia while he's at it. The fact that he grew up here and speaks Bahasa is huge. People's attitude towards America has vastly improved due to this fact since the Bush administration finally ended. Oh, and to copy Julianne on this one, we were told yesterday that "Indonesia is the biggest country that Americans know the least about". It's true. Look at a map. I had to. For some reason this country is not on people's radar.

More facts: Indonesia is now a member of the "G20". It has the freest press among all of Asia. It's the third largest democracy in the world. It's a newly independent country as the Dutch only left it for good in 1949. And finally, there are 130 malls in Jakarta alone.

That about wraps it up for now. See you in Malang.